Still maintaining

Goodness, when am I ever going to shake this rut?! Chris is gone now so it's just me and the kiddos...if I thought I had no motivation before you should see me now. I'm too tired to do it at 5am after feeding Denver and exhausted at 8pm when I get the kiddos in bed (if I'm lucky enough to have them both down that early). Chris and I have been chatting via e-mail and I think the best thing for me to do is just focus on my eating habits for now and walk when I can (bonus points for any extra activity I can get in). Why I stress about these kind of things is beyond me. The weight will come off eventually. There will come a time when the kids will no longer rely 100% completely and totally on me (that will be a sad day). I should be enjoying this time and not obsessing about how heavy I am.
I did well while on vacation - I maintained. That's good - I neither gained nor lost any weight. I settle for maintaining my 198 pounds over gaining even more weight. I had a rough day today. Katelynn woke up screaming and crying for me; I picked her up and she was burning up. She had a temp of 101.6, so she's been on Tylenol all day (she's hanging around 99 and 100 right now). She was also extra clingy. Then Denver got shots yesterday so he was holding strong at 99 and fussy as well. So, I gave in and ordered pizza for dinner. It made me sick - that'll teach me! Vinson loved it and even Katelynn had two cheesy breadsticks (Papa John's of course; and really that's one of the only things I could get her to eat all day).
I get Comcast hooked up on Thursday and I couldn't be anymore excited!! Yeah, a real internet connection that doesn't drop you and doesn't take all day to load the Yahoo log-in screen (seriously it should not take me a good 4 minutes just to load a screen so I can check my e-mail...I hate you Verizon!). I'm mostly excited by this because now I can actually use livestrong to track what I eat! Writing it down on paper just doesn't work for me.
I finally sat down and read a book by Jen Lancaster that my sister loaned me, "Such a Pretty Fat or Why Pie is Not the Answer." OMG! I couldn't stop laughing. This women is a genius! Ha! I'm stealing how she describes her legs - it's totally my legs! "They've never been slender or dainty; rather, they're incredibly well muscled. Sure, once you get north of my knees they're squashy, but my calves look strong enough to win any ass-kicking contest." Love it!
Before Chris left we took some before photos (for the P90X thing...now I'm not sure I will be able to find the time to get the workouts in...I need at least 90 minutes of me time a day...hmmmm). NEway, in the book she did the same thing and when she downloaded the photos all she wanted to know was, "how the fuck did Jabba the Hutt get into my bedroom, and why is he wearing my pearls?" Ha, ha, ha. She had me laughing out loud so many times. The book made me feel like I was chatting with my best friend; she had a way of voicing exactly what I was thinking and making it funny! I had to laugh when she chronologed her time with the trainer - reminded me of my training sessions. Loved it!
NEway, starting next week I should be blogging more. It really does feel good to get my feelings onto paper, and typing is so much faster then handwriting (and my hands don't cramp up either!). Until then!

Passion and Emotion

The past few weeks have been pretty crazy and extra busy; I did however manage to Jazzercise 4 times a week like I wanted AND I lost 4 lbs!!! Next week is the big trip for Stew and Michaela’s wedding and Chris leaving for deployment…I forsee a very emotional week coming up, and here is to hoping that I can keep the emotional eating to a minimum. It shouldn’t be too hard in the Dominican Republic although I don’t want any “Charlotte” moments! LOL!! Not sure how many fresh fruit and veggies I should eat when they wash it all in water?! Hmmm…

I was reading through the Oxygen magazines that Barb has been passing on to me and in the February issue on the Publisher’s page (yes, I read it cover to cover, editor’s section and all…love this magazine!) and Robert Kennedy said, “Develop a passion for making your wish come true. Attach emotion to your goal.” I think this is what I’ve been lacking – the passion to make it happen. I was so devoted to losing weight last time that it seemed so easy. I’m sure having a trainer who kicked my butt helped, plus all the races Chris and I signed up for…but that’s just it. I turned my life upside down. I made my body and my health a priority in my life.

Once we resolve the feeding issues with Denver I think my focus might shift some. Chris is leaving and I will need/want to get out for awhile. I’m not sure just yet what form “getting out” will take; with each passing week Denver gets stronger and stronger. It will be no time before he can sit up in a stroller next to his sister and, hopefully, make life a little easier on the mobility front.

I saw this photo that Chris took of Katelynn and I at the zoo and I wanted to delete it instantly and Chris said I needed to use it as motivation, so here it is…motivate me.

I grimace every time I see this picture, so much for thinking I looked cute. I look frumpy and out of shape. It's just like at Jazzercise when I'm enjoying my workout and doing the high intensity moves and then I catch a glimpse of myself in the surround mirrors and wonder how someone so big can move and feel so good and I instantly feel self conscious again. It's a vicious circle, and all the tools needed to motivate me.