When You're SO Close

OMG! YES!!! This is me!!! Have you ever just stumbled upon someones post and felt like they were talking directly to you?! That was me today. It was a post on Facebook that was talking about self sabotage. This is how the post started...

Have you ever gotten to a point in your weight loss journey when things are going along nicely, you’ve passed a few important goals and should be coming down the stretch for your ideal weight in the not too distant future? And then suddenly you revert back to the behavior that got you into this mess in the first place. Frustrated at your seeming inability to close the deal – yet again! – you throw in the towel and go back to living a life well beneath your capabilities? Yes? Is this you? Well, this is me too. 

I'm at this point right now. I've passed so many important goals for myself. I lost 40 lbs. I finished not just P90X, but Chalene Extreme with Insanity and TurboFire - THREE 90 day programs. I went from not being able to run a mile to running 5 miles without stopping. I cleaned up my eating, never perfect, but better. I made wonderful progress over the past year.
And then, yes, I suddenly started reverting back to that old behavior. The same behaviors that made me 200 pounds. I can't even tell you how many times I've ordered takeout over the past two months. I can blame all of it on Chris being deployed and the stress of staying home alone with two kids all day without adult interaction, but isn't that just making more excuses? Could it really be that I'm lazy? Or maybe I'm just slightly depressed with my hubby being gone and then losing both my workout partners?! Whatever it is it needs to go stop because it's made me stop on my path. I must find a way over, through, around this road block!
I find myself saying, it's just today, I'll be better tomorrow. Then tomorrow I do it again, and then again the next day. It's been a vicious cycle. The scale doesn't change. In my mind I figure I can eat this way now and not gain weight...because I have been eating bad and the scale hasn't gone up. I think this is really what happens when you eat junk and don't gain weight: the number stays the same but you're destroying all that muscle you've worked so hard to create.

It's true! Ever since early September when I lost both of my workout buddies I've been eating like crap and not doing any toning type programs. My weight is starting to shift on my body. I weigh the same, but I'm starting to look different. I can feel it. It's driving me crazy. I have no idea how to find my motivation again. How do you get out of the funk??
The post recommended a book. I might buy it. I might not. I'm not sure. I've got a ton of self-help books, and really I don't take the time to read them. I took the advice from one site and subscribed to a bunch of fintess magazines, do you know what?! I've got an entire stack of motivating magazines I don't read. Will this book just be another one I don't read? They have it on Amazon for as cheap as a penny - LOL!
I know what I'm supposed to do. Eat clean. Exercise. Eat cleaner. I've read time and time again that it starts in the kitchen. If anything these past two months have proven to me that it is all in the kitchen. It works. Portion control and cleaning up my diet have helped me get this far. Why am I binging right now? Is it because I'm denying myself too much? I've tried the whole cheat meal and/or day, but for me that leads to a slippery slope. I have trouble controlling myself when I have a "treat." One slice of pizza turns to 4. One piece of chocolate turns to even more chocolate. Eating out one night turns to eating out again and again and again. Where does it end?
The nutritionist told me a long time ago that it was a lifestyle change. You have to change the way you live your life if you're going to be successful. I changed my life. Chris bought me a scale. We portioned everything and you know what, it worked. Is it time to change my lifestyle again? Tighten the belt more on my habits? Maybe it's time to seek another nutritionist to set me on the right path again? Would I even take their advice though? I can't even follow my own advice right now. Motivation where have you gone?! Please come back to me and help me blast out of this plateau and continue on my fitness journey.
If you have tips, suggestions, thoughts please comment and let me know what you've done that has helped. I'm open to all of your eating and fitness suggestions!